Fluxating

I'm at Central Library now and I desperately needed to come here.  Since becoming involved in this triad, I have spend considerable time being schlepped around NoPo (mostly) and to some extent tagging along to everything that Elijah and Jezebel have going on.  This is a "me" place.  I love it here.  I even got a spot at my fave table. :)

As I explained this morning to Elijah: The fact that I can take my writing anywhere has been misconstrued by them both to mean that I can take it anywhere that's convenient for them.  I need to take more control of it than I have been.  Yesterday, although I did get to stay at my own place last night, I didn't get any work done, by virtue of not taking control of my own destiny.

Had a great conversation with Tamara yesterday though, and that was well worth it.

I missed out on some great sex possibilities last night and this morning.  I am sad about that.  I have a tendency to want to be "taken" by forceful coercion (dammit, Alvan was onto something when he outed me as a 'sub' at that one BGN!), and Elijah is not really like that.  It leaves me with the feeling that I need either: a.) for him to be more like that at least once in a while, b.) another man to be like that with me more often, or c.) a combination thereof.

I mean, I was kissing E and rubbing up on him last night and actually saying "I love you and I feel vulnerable", and nothing!  ARG.  I'm not going to jump to the "he doesn't love me" quite yet, although I am a bit hurt and frustrated.

SO much to say, but so little time to really write!  I have to get to the future plans soon because, frankly, I need to write it out in order to get advice and/or just get it straight in my mind.  Til then...