Resolving my Personal Conflix

Today is a beautiful day out the window of my downtown apartment. This weekend was incredibly lovely as well, with Ladies Weekend kicking ass and a great St. Patty's Day followed by a slasher movie with Thom. Ishbar is a good influence, for sure. She's very calm and collected and focused. Jerusha is a great too. And really, all of my other lovely friends.

For anyone who follows this (IDK if anyone does, although someone is reading at least, as discerned from the occasional snarky comment), I changed Ruth's name back to Ruth. She didn't like the name I originally picked for her, and after last week's little upset, I thought, "She totally doesn't merit the name Ruth." However, I realized thanks to Ishbar and reading aloud to her while we were riding home from the book she got this weekend:

It's Raining Men

With the blip of a New Year reconnect a distant memory already, and new guys coming by the crib nearly every day (just to hang out/cuddle, only once was sex actually had to any extent), it's time to face the facts here: I'm single.

Summer Wane

The air is cool despite there being no clouds. I am viewing it from the third floor of the Central Library, as I am wont to do. The summer is waning into that dreaded season called Fall, called so perhaps because of the let-down it feels like.

I wish I could escape this inevitability. My mind races to Hawaii, Thailand, San Diego... Anywhere warmer, where the days don't get as short and where I can still sit on this painted laptop and write in the sunshine.

Maybe I can lose a few pounds and find a boyfriend that's doing something with his life, too.

So much has happened since I last wrote 2 months ago. Literally days after writing before, I got involved in a love affair with a one Cyrus. It has been fun. We de facto live together in a room across the street where ironically my office was. The irony being that the office decided to put me back on freelance literally not even a week after I moved in across the street, so after biking all over greater Portland for three months, I finally got a convenient, inexpensive, and pretty awesome place only to not really need it there.

Don't Fence Me In...

Last night at the Naked Bike Ride, it degenerated into a naked, outdoor make-out orgy on the streets of Portland.  More of what you would expect from the Raine you've become so fond of, right?

I almost wanted to downgrade the journal from NC-17 to R because of the lack of sex.  It's been literally over a month, if you don't count the sexy bi 21 year old from a week and a half ago.  But that was (to me) a one-night thing, so I don't actually count it.  He's been on my grill, though, which is a little annoying.  On the other hand... Maybe I could throw another bi male into the mix with him, as it has been a lil while since I have been properly double teamed.

I have a list of guys/gals in my paper journal that I'm 'talking to'.  True Single Raine style.  Even relationship Raine, really.  Still haven't met the person that can get over that and be really and truly poly w me.  Major news to me: It isn't Isaiah.  And no, I still don't have a clue WTF is up with that.

Gossip and Girliness

FIRST: Isaiah and Ishbar are hooking up!  OMG, juicy.  The only person I could tell was Jezebel.  I wanted to straight-up "IN YOUR FACE, ELIJAH!" with the news, but sadly I think that will only cause more problems for her.  Isaiah is everything Elijah wishes he could be, but isn't.

Isaiah and I are taking things slowly but seem to be having a perfect poly relationship/ friendship, including several three-sums and two triad-type relationships brewing also.  I feel more friendly about him than anything, though.  It's all loving, open and honest and free of anger and manipulation, which I guess is really working well.  Kind of great so far.  Except that I think he's trying to be more poly than me aka getting a little restrictive.  Which is a little annoying, but I'm not lying to him & so far he's taking it well enough.  I went through that weird "I can see other ppl but am going to freak out if you do" shit when Uriah was trying it, and it won't work this time, either.

OK, so I have been reading these two articles, and am kind of dumfounded at how true they are.  I mean, almost all of that describes me.  Not sure how to feel about it...  It's not so much that I am desperate to get married per se so much as it describes a little of how I can keep falling into this pit of dating completely awful losers.

Well, I'm on my way to Bikram now.  Got a pass with Groupon and biked out here to NE for it.  This weekend= going to Las Vegas!  Jezebel is also going to be there and so is Solomon.  That's all I'm saying; aka, OFF THE HOOK!

Delta Sunshine

Today is a sunny and absolutely beautiful day in Portland, and once again I am so happy to be here.  I am so fortunate to have the amazing and wonderful ppl in my life that I do.  I am so fortunate to have a great family and to be living among the hippest, weirdest, most open and peaceful people in the US.

INTERJECTION: I am so so annoyed by Elijah and Jezebel always telling each other every detail about me.  I feel like I can't do anything with either of them without having the other report on me.  I need some alone time, is what it comes down to.  I need some time away from this relationship.  It is bugging me on a level and I'm not sure how to reconcile that... Or even what the level is.

Perhaps I'm going down a wrong path with being in a bisexual polyamorous relationship with at least one person (J) who is actually neither of those things.  I feel involuntarily that I'm the recipient of her being jealous and/or feeling left out of the relationship, which is not true and the only reasons she hasn't physically been around are her due to her own planning.

This is what detractors would point to as why poly doesn't work.  I personally think that it's true, but only because everyone involved has to be committed to poly and committed to getting past the mono training society has given us. Which I'm not entirely sure is the case at the moment...

Makes me long for the simpler times when it was just me & Uriah and our various other lovers.  But I didn't see that as a long-term true primary partnership either.  At least there was less jealousy and awkwardness with that.  Except that time when there was... Ahh.  Alas.

Everyone here that's a native Portlandian seems to be totally OK with talking about relationships and sex all the day long, no matter how weird it gets.  Non-Portlandians, such as Thom, have no freaking idea about Portlandia.  He is headed back from whence he came shortly, aka, he's just too New England.  It's all well– I was too Portland for New England, which is why I came back.  Long story.