Welcome to 30

They say it's the New 20, right? Well, I am here to say that's wrong. So much shit happened in my twenties as to render me an entirely different person than I was at 20. And, I'm all the better for it, give or take.

This year has been interesting so far in the City of Roses, even though it's only a few days old. I'm in a bit of a sexually frustrating period now, but I'm at least in a better place than a year ago. I'm sure things will start picking up and I'll be able to start having fun again, and being more motivated. In the meantime, reaching back to the end of 2012 for the update:

1.) I had a week-long affair with the one Gaius. He's been my friend for 8 years or so now, ever since he and his then-girlfriend lived next door to Hannah. Our affair was very intense and very awesome, and the feeling seemed so mutual that it was absolutely perfect. It would have made a great poly love affair to write about, except that one day, it wasn't. I was supposed to go with Tamara to his show (he's a musician, that's bad news already), but he texted me 25 minutes after I was supposed to have arrived that he couldn't make it. Sensing that something bad must have happened for him to cancel his paid performance with his band, I texted back that I hope everything's OK and asked what happened. I never got a response. Nor a Happy New Year nor a Happy Birthday nor a What's up nor any other sort of communications. I have some idea what's behind it (drama with one of his existing lovers, who was married to someone else), but in truth, if it were going to happen for us, it would have. THE END.

2.) I spent New Year with Halah. It was an amazing two days we spent together, even though we pretty much didn't have sex. Well, the one time we did, I actually kind of initiated, but then he said he was 'dehydrated' and stopped. Blerg. Still, it was a wonderful, sweet, and loving time that will never be recaptured: As with all things Halah, that beautiful time came to an end and he doesn't really want to talk with me now. Literally, he ditched me the night of my birthday and made it a Don't Call Me, I'll Call You situation. I haven't seen him in a week, and ironically, now it's totally over and I don't have words for it. THE END. I think. Again.

3.) I am thirty years old. At first, I was completely depressed about it. Now, I am going to embrace my thirties, in a much smarter way than I embraced my twenties. I'm going into it vegan and as an avid bike enthusiast and gym rat, and activist for causes I believe in. (All thanks to the encouragement of a one Halah. He may be a mean-spirited asshole, but I think I got the best of what he had to offer.) I never thought in a million years I would be here when I turned 30, living in West Portland, writing professionally and personally, playing dulcimer and painting, crying at times and drinking heavily at others. I had dreams ten years ago and throughout my twenties that are all but gone now. I need new dreams, and they are starting to form, slowly but surely. This time, I am going to still dream big, but I'm going to dream smart, too. I'm going to fight and claw my way through this jungle until I come through the other side with success.

Mazel tov!