Erotic Encounters, Part I: The Early Years

Numbers 1 and 2: London and God

1.) London. Slim, blond, blue-eyed, fair skinned, arty. I was in love with London in 4th and 5th grade when we had class together, growing up here in the City of Roses. I made him really uncomfortable in gym class in late 5th grade, whispering in his ear, "It's not about scheduled sex, it's about having a baby." Then he moved away for middle school and I was pretty devastated. Then, he was back for the latter half of high school and for the life of me I have no idea why we didn't hang out more. Things picked up the latter half of senior year. I was in love with someone else (#2, God), which complicated matters, but essentially we were FWB without ever really calling it that, playing around sexually all the time and being little friendies. Forward to... Senior prom. We finally had sex. I still have his semen on my senior prom dress from the first time we had sex ever. (Uriah eventually fucked me in it also... He said it was hot that it still had cum stains.) I didn't really know how to deal with the not-quite-relationship after that and the whole thing sort of faded away. I wish it didn't, cuz I really like him, but at the time I was into someone else and it all got awkward. London even knew about God and didn't care, how poly. File London in the, What if...? category.

2.) God. He in no way merits such a designation, but of course at the time I started my Livejournal (age 17), he was a big deal. Amazing what time will do for a situation. He's in the Lots of Conflicting Emotions category. I've learned to live with the intense emotionality of this strange 'relationship' we had, even though it was angst-ridden and never particularly got closure. But seriously, 12+ years later, he's a washed up, white trash, uneducated alcoholic, still working maintenance at the golf course, and talking to him beyond, "Nice job you're doing on the greens!" would be an embarrassment. So he's also in the Done, Over, and Never to be Revisited category. 

I met God at his caddie at age 13, and he was 23. (I could see even relatively open-minded people getting all judgey about this one, and if you do, try to comment or message in a respectful way.) He had one blue eye and one green eye, never went to college, was soft-spoken, and liked curvy girls (with T&A, like me... And Britney Spears). Fwd to age 16 when I ended up working maintenance at the same golf course as he did. My then-best friend Genocide (blerg, how unfortunate is that moniker?) always talked about his hotness and his nice legs. So, the three of us got to talking and flirting all the time, and God and I started going out on dates the summer I was 17 and he was 27. I had a thing for porn then on the family computer, and I wanted very much to be his "barely legal" super sexy fuckable plaything. I got my wish.

We made out a lot before the summer when I turned 18, but he had a knack for ignoring me during work hours. It never bothered me until the following summer when I started having sex with him (I was legally old enough, people!). Then it gets all sorts of emotionally confusing, needy, and immature actions and manipulative power plays started happening on both sides. For me, it was being unable to handle all of these feelings I had for him and not knowing how to act around him or how to talk to him, and with him it was being kind of ashamed of being driven so crazy by someone so young and trying to not take it seriously for concern with his 'reputation'. So I would just have sex with him, doing whatever he told me, because I didn't really know, on the boss's desk and at his place nearby and in public and even on the beach. Beyond my flirting with/saying lines from porn to him/inventing double entendres and acting out fantasy scenes with him (all fun), I'm not sure if I ever really knew him, though I'm inclined to say, No.