Erotic Encounters, Part I: The Early Years

Numbers 1 and 2: London and God

1.) London. Slim, blond, blue-eyed, fair skinned, arty. I was in love with London in 4th and 5th grade when we had class together, growing up here in the City of Roses. I made him really uncomfortable in gym class in late 5th grade, whispering in his ear, "It's not about scheduled sex, it's about having a baby." Then he moved away for middle school and I was pretty devastated. Then, he was back for the latter half of high school and for the life of me I have no idea why we didn't hang out more. Things picked up the latter half of senior year. I was in love with someone else (#2, God), which complicated matters, but essentially we were FWB without ever really calling it that, playing around sexually all the time and being little friendies. Forward to... Senior prom. We finally had sex. I still have his semen on my senior prom dress from the first time we had sex ever. (Uriah eventually fucked me in it also... He said it was hot that it still had cum stains.) I didn't really know how to deal with the not-quite-relationship after that and the whole thing sort of faded away. I wish it didn't, cuz I really like him, but at the time I was into someone else and it all got awkward. London even knew about God and didn't care, how poly. File London in the, What if...? category.

2.) God. He in no way merits such a designation, but of course at the time I started my Livejournal (age 17), he was a big deal. Amazing what time will do for a situation. He's in the Lots of Conflicting Emotions category. I've learned to live with the intense emotionality of this strange 'relationship' we had, even though it was angst-ridden and never particularly got closure. But seriously, 12+ years later, he's a washed up, white trash, uneducated alcoholic, still working maintenance at the golf course, and talking to him beyond, "Nice job you're doing on the greens!" would be an embarrassment. So he's also in the Done, Over, and Never to be Revisited category. 

I met God at his caddie at age 13, and he was 23. (I could see even relatively open-minded people getting all judgey about this one, and if you do, try to comment or message in a respectful way.) He had one blue eye and one green eye, never went to college, was soft-spoken, and liked curvy girls (with T&A, like me... And Britney Spears). Fwd to age 16 when I ended up working maintenance at the same golf course as he did. My then-best friend Genocide (blerg, how unfortunate is that moniker?) always talked about his hotness and his nice legs. So, the three of us got to talking and flirting all the time, and God and I started going out on dates the summer I was 17 and he was 27. I had a thing for porn then on the family computer, and I wanted very much to be his "barely legal" super sexy fuckable plaything. I got my wish.

We made out a lot before the summer when I turned 18, but he had a knack for ignoring me during work hours. It never bothered me until the following summer when I started having sex with him (I was legally old enough, people!). Then it gets all sorts of emotionally confusing, needy, and immature actions and manipulative power plays started happening on both sides. For me, it was being unable to handle all of these feelings I had for him and not knowing how to act around him or how to talk to him, and with him it was being kind of ashamed of being driven so crazy by someone so young and trying to not take it seriously for concern with his 'reputation'. So I would just have sex with him, doing whatever he told me, because I didn't really know, on the boss's desk and at his place nearby and in public and even on the beach. Beyond my flirting with/saying lines from porn to him/inventing double entendres and acting out fantasy scenes with him (all fun), I'm not sure if I ever really knew him, though I'm inclined to say, No.

Erotic Encounters, The Intro

Long ago now, almost half my life ago, I had my first kiss. That was at the tender age of 16. After that, I kept a meticulous record of everyone I ever kissed or did anything more with. It remained meticulous up until college, when alcohol made things a little murkier. Finally, about a year ago, I abandoned the full list, since there were just too many to remember anymore and I wasn't being steadfast in it anyway. The list topped out at over 200.

The list is now in a journal in storage, so all I have is memory.

Women were of course on the Kiss List as well, but after I abandoned the list, I didn't particularly count them as sexual partners. After having talked it out with others privy to the question, it's come to light that I should count women because I'm bi. But, unlike my male sexual partners, I can't remember them all specifically and I don't have the list. So, the females that I've been sexual with are for a separate section. I would say I'm a Kinsey 2, so most are men anyway, but this is not to diminish the amazing women who have been a part of my life in a sexual way as well.

Some of my sexual conquests that haven't appeared in this blog have 'names', if you will. These are from my old, mostly friends-only LiveJournal, which was in action beginning at age 17. I'm going to keep those names. If someone who was never 'named' ends up mattering throughout the story, then I'll give them a name according to the theme in which others were named around that time period. (Bonus: Can you guess what this blog's theme is? Some people, you may notice, don't fit that theme and that's because they had names prior to Sex in the City of Roses.) Annoyingly, some people with the best names, such as Jesus and Moses, I never did have sex with, although those particular two were the basis of a short story that is simply spectacular. But, I digress.

The Erotic Encounters series will start with Partner 1 and be broken up over many posts. I will do my very best to get the order right. If you want to read them in ascending order, they will all be filed under the label "Erotic Encounters".

Slut Injustice

I long in many ways to use my true identity, and the identities of those who are written about in this blog.

I long to reclaim my identity as a "slut".

Why does this have to be a bad thing? I've had sex with quite a few people now, and I don't regret any of them. A couple of them I regretted at the time but grew from it, many I enjoyed, a couple I loved dearly, a handful said they (true or not) loved me, all of them I remember. I don't understand why enjoying sex with more than a couple of people, of both genders, has to be looked upon as such a bad thing by society. Why I have to hide it all from the general public in fear for my reputation with my career and my straight-laced friends, and why my mom is concerned about my never finding The One.

I hope one day that our little Sex Positive movement, toward sexual openness and true polyamory, will someday become worthwhile, and that the world will be a better, less discriminatory place for it.

I hope that the contents of this journal, which are all true accounts of my life's events, will one day be seen not as shocking or strange or wrong or immoral, but simply the accounts of what it was like to be a woman at the turn of the millennium, at the forefront of a movement toward higher consciousness and a more peaceful world.

Besides what I would consider the word "Slut" in a negative connotation at the forefront of many people's minds, I've encountered more than a couple of obstacles to a true sex-positive society.  Namely:

Some Shit I Like On Tumblr

  So hawt

Raine Tales

I awoke at around 8:30 am this morning, next to a gorgeous 20 year old. I shall call him Josiah. I had a terrible headache and rued taking that last tequila shot at the bar last night after Thom left*. But I pounded some water and a painkiller and went back to sleep.

(*Yes, homie was at the bar with us. I won't divulge which bar it was, but AMEN. He's got like 7 more months before he's 21 and I hella would never wait that long to be able to go out with him.)

A filling popped out 2 nights ago and I haven't been able to get a dentist appointment. Hence the painkillers. They make me a little sick and spacey feeling. But the hangover was sure gone and so was the horrible pain in my mouth.

Josiah and I had sex two more times and snuggled a lot before I had to get on a conference call for work. He's so hot and so bi. He fucked me unprotected and cummed up in me. That hasn't happened for so long. He smells so good. He feels so amazing and so warm. I already miss him. He said to me, "I think you're great." He has a boyfriend he wants me to meet. He's nice and easygoing and fun. He's tall and lanky and has a sweet face and red hair, and he's kind of androgynous. SO sexy!

I pounded some diet pills to awaken and made it to my conference call. I thought I would feel sick and loopy but I was fine. Been working all day and can't get Josiah off my mind. He was showing me his boyfriend through Facebook and nearly saw this blog ;) Glad he didn't. I don't mind if he does read it one day, but I don't think we need to delve into it quite yet. Recent entries are all about the exes, anyway. Kind of a buzzkill for NRE.

Daydreaming! Going to go masturbate about him for a minute then get packing for my trip tomorrow!

It's Raining Men

With the blip of a New Year reconnect a distant memory already, and new guys coming by the crib nearly every day (just to hang out/cuddle, only once was sex actually had to any extent), it's time to face the facts here: I'm single.

Welcome to 30

They say it's the New 20, right? Well, I am here to say that's wrong. So much shit happened in my twenties as to render me an entirely different person than I was at 20. And, I'm all the better for it, give or take.

This year has been interesting so far in the City of Roses, even though it's only a few days old. I'm in a bit of a sexually frustrating period now, but I'm at least in a better place than a year ago. I'm sure things will start picking up and I'll be able to start having fun again, and being more motivated. In the meantime, reaching back to the end of 2012 for the update:

1.) I had a week-long affair with the one Gaius. He's been my friend for 8 years or so now, ever since he and his then-girlfriend lived next door to Hannah. Our affair was very intense and very awesome, and the feeling seemed so mutual that it was absolutely perfect. It would have made a great poly love affair to write about, except that one day, it wasn't. I was supposed to go with Tamara to his show (he's a musician, that's bad news already), but he texted me 25 minutes after I was supposed to have arrived that he couldn't make it. Sensing that something bad must have happened for him to cancel his paid performance with his band, I texted back that I hope everything's OK and asked what happened. I never got a response. Nor a Happy New Year nor a Happy Birthday nor a What's up nor any other sort of communications. I have some idea what's behind it (drama with one of his existing lovers, who was married to someone else), but in truth, if it were going to happen for us, it would have. THE END.

2.) I spent New Year with Halah. It was an amazing two days we spent together, even though we pretty much didn't have sex. Well, the one time we did, I actually kind of initiated, but then he said he was 'dehydrated' and stopped. Blerg. Still, it was a wonderful, sweet, and loving time that will never be recaptured: As with all things Halah, that beautiful time came to an end and he doesn't really want to talk with me now. Literally, he ditched me the night of my birthday and made it a Don't Call Me, I'll Call You situation. I haven't seen him in a week, and ironically, now it's totally over and I don't have words for it. THE END. I think. Again.

3.) I am thirty years old. At first, I was completely depressed about it. Now, I am going to embrace my thirties, in a much smarter way than I embraced my twenties. I'm going into it vegan and as an avid bike enthusiast and gym rat, and activist for causes I believe in. (All thanks to the encouragement of a one Halah. He may be a mean-spirited asshole, but I think I got the best of what he had to offer.) I never thought in a million years I would be here when I turned 30, living in West Portland, writing professionally and personally, playing dulcimer and painting, crying at times and drinking heavily at others. I had dreams ten years ago and throughout my twenties that are all but gone now. I need new dreams, and they are starting to form, slowly but surely. This time, I am going to still dream big, but I'm going to dream smart, too. I'm going to fight and claw my way through this jungle until I come through the other side with success.

Mazel tov!