Sleep Deprivation and Poly Paneling

I'm out at the coffee shop near Hawthorne with Uriah, and yes, it is 830 a.m., and no, I am not entirely cool with that.  I got up at 7 with Jezebel, Uriah, and Elijah out at J's house in North Portland (aka the Wilderness).  Last night I got no sleep because we had quad play time til 230 and then I got woken up at 5 for some reason or another.

My whole life feels like an exercise in sleep deprivation.  Fortunately it's Portland so there's a coffee shop on every corner.  As always I have a fuck ton of work to do and nothing feels as good as getting that done.

The quad relationship is a new thing for me, and a whole different dynamic than a triad.  Maybe I just grew up on the right side of that fence, since I really have never felt entirely monogamous and always felt that there was more than one person that would 'complete me'.  The triads that I had been involved with in the past were two men that were bisexual or open to exploring that.  I find nothing to be more sexy, personally.

Then again, I also need a woman and that is what makes this quad so great, and both Jezebel and Elijah are warming to their inner bisexual nature.  I wish they were a lil further in that exploration, but what can you do?  It's all very experimental, and all so magical.  I am here with Uriah, with whom I was involved in a poly relationship with beforehand.  Things with him are totally loving and awesome yet uncomplicated and quiet.  But to me Uriah and I's relationship is very incomplete without the rest of the quad.  This is the same that I feel about each of them individually.  My hope is that they will come to see it that way as well.  At least two of them (E and J) are far more confused about this than I am.

Let me point out though, that carrying on a relationship that is the culmination of several smaller relationships is definitely infinitely more difficult than a relationship with one other person.  The upside is the synergistic combination of the relationship between each possible duo, each possible triad, and finally the entire quad.

Apparently this is all "advanced polyamory".  Last night, E, U, & I participated in a panel for people interested in the lifestyle.  The other members of the panel seemed to have what I would call 'open relationships' with their 'primaries', which is more aligned with monogamy and therefore less far-gone, perhaps, then the triad or quad is.  Basically those members of the panel had a basic marriage/ partnership with one other person but agreements that there could be other lovers on each party's side and agreements that that is OK.  There was even talk among the panelists about being friends with the other partner's 'secondaries' so that everything was in the open and trusting.

I had to interject with my version of poly, which what I describe as the 'flat organization'; namely, that everyone is equal (none of this primary/secondary shit) and that everyone has sex with everyone else that is brought into the relationship.  I think this also means that many outside lovers could be shared but I don't know; it doesn't have to be poly-fidelitous, though.  Basically what I want/ strive for is a triad/quad situation.

E & U & I were being affectionate and loving during the panel and at one point it was going to turn a corner and get downright horny.  We had such a hot 3-way right before the panel, too.  It feels like we're the polyamory poster children.

There's some inter-quad drama, though, and Elijah's other gf now officially has made it apparent that she is completely uninterested in any of it/ can't deal.  Too bad.

But that is all for a later time.  It's too fucking early.