Musings

I awoke this morning in Jezebel's arms.  It had been a night of love and of sharing and being a triad again.  After I wrote my somewhat bitter-sounding post yesterday, J, E, and I talked it out and came to a great place of love and understanding.  E and I have been spending some time together but J is our girlfriend, and that was never in question for E or I, it was merely a matter of meeting her needs so that she feels included.  I am so happy to know that, and so happy to be growing closer to her.  She is such a great catch.  I would marry her.

In Other News: This blog will now be co-authored by Jezebel and Elijah.  I am tempted to add Uriah to it as well, but we'll see through consensus how J & E feel about that.  One interesting thing is that I am SO tempted to edit some of the previous entries so that they are... "Less personal" sounding.  However, I just decided against this.  They open to talking about their feelings, whereas I am so awkward and feel too vulnerable and tend to write about all of my thoughts/frustrations instead.  The result is a riveting yet personal read that I am scandalized about anyone seeing.  Delving into those waters with my two lovers is new territory for me, and something I ought to experience once before that vault closes forever.  Plus, we can comment on each other's entries and they can have the opportunity to either love and embrace me for the awful mess of vulnerabilities that lies hidden so well beneath the surface of my skin– or not.

On the bright side, if they choose not to love me for who I truly am, at least I can say I let that side of myself be known once, by two people, before I seal this part of me off from the world again forever.

Today was a good day.  I woke up with Jezebel and Elijah came in and snuggled with us.  I was at my own house finally (again).  Zeruah, my roommate, came in weeping hysterically over a breakup with her polyamorous lovers, and I was so very glad to be there to comfort her.  Then Ashtoreth (my cousin) and her date came and picked me up and we drove out to the Gorge for a hike, past many spectacular waterfalls.  The sky was so blue and it was such an indescribably good feeling to be surrounded in nature and be out of the city, even for a minute.  My sister, Sole, has been trying forever to get us out in nature and I see more and more how all of her exercise/outdoors activities in Eugene may be the secret to her relentlessly positive attitude and inability to be side-tracked.

I'm at my mom's (Eve's) house now, as I am every week.

I am intensely over-caffeinated.

I feel exhilarated.