WTF

I am about to try something truly terrifying.

Monogamy.

'Monotony', as some might say.

It's been a good long while since I entered into a monogamous relationship. And 5.5 years since I've been out. And it was rough and soul-crushing. And I don't believe in monogamy long-term.

I'm in love though. With this man from San Diego who is moving up to the City of Roses to be with me. And to, you know, straighten his fucking life out. I mean, this shit started out as me banging yet another coke dealer. (They're always hot & dark & interesting though!)

He better. I think I'd rather whore about forever than settle for someone when I know I am worth more. I think I'll still be able to get 25 year olds at 50. So fuck it. Cheers to living with Mr. Right Now. Yeay for love and all. Yeay for the adventure. Yeay for the about 1 week of monogamy that I'll actually last. (Realistically, prolly 1-2 months, if all goes well. But I have other lovers that I will miss!)

I thought I was ready. I really did. But I'm not! I'm actually loving being single! All this shit I do where other ppl have a boyfriend/ husband/ partner... At first it seemed exciting to have a person to do those things with: Camping! Family brunch! Parties! Dancing! Festivals! Night at home watching movies and having someone to talk to! Right?

But, over the course in which I've actually had to face the prospect of having a live in-partner, the more the whole thing is harshing my fucking mellow. Having to drag him along and pray that he doesn't embarrass me in some way. Not being able to meet someone new potentially. Wanting to be alone and farty and bloated. Having to negotiate using the bathroom, watching TV, listening to the radio, physical space. Even cooking and cleaning, even though I don't do them enough, I've demonstrated just this past week that I can do them...

Is this the price I'm willing to pay to share my heart and space and body with someone on an intimate level? Is the need for that so strong that I just up and hand over the life that I built that I'm finally enjoying?

I'm very much in love with him, though. And it makes me feel a little disappointed that I might hurt him in some way.

Speaking of: Fuck Isaiah. What a motherfucking loser. Yes he has cool parties, but he's not the originator of all of them. His scene is so... Shallow. Everything about him is just so annoying, I can't even believe that Ishbar is so enamored with that crappy douchebag. I truly regret sleeping with him, and although I think dumping his scene would in a way lower my popularity, he's not the only one that holds these events (a), and b.) who cares? If any of them are really

my friends, they still will be.

Gawd, I might as well re-name this "High School Drama in the City of Roses".