I feel sad and frustrated. The rain may be contributing to it. Not eating enough, not sleeping enough, and drinking at my previous level of tolerance for the past 3 nights is also likely contributing. Smoking real cigarettes is probably contributing, too.
Also the un-necessarily dramatic 'breakup' w Elijah could be a possible cause.
As is evident, it was happening anyway. I likened the relationship to growing pains once, because it was growing faster than I was ready for and starting to hurt. It started growing out of control and turned into a cancer. I suppose it's best to cut that out, which is what he is doing to me now. I hope that brings him peace. He told me last night I can't hurt him, as though that's what I'm trying to do. He's ironically hurting me, and Jezebel, by trying so hard to show me how he isn't hurt.
Working is making me feel better. I get in these funks where only work will make me relax. I don't know why. Being in class again is giving me a purpose and a mission. I lacked that over the past 2 months. Conveniently I began this strange relationship right as school ended and as school was about to begin the relationship ended.
Jeez I feel like everyone hates me today.
[NOTE: I wrote a list of ppl that I thought hated me, though, and it turns out that really the only ones that do, when it comes down to it, are Jezebel and Elijah, my now-exes. Makes sense actually.]
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Jezebel does not hate you and resents that you would even imply that! One can be irritated, annoyed, fed-up or sad and not be in "hate".
ReplyDeleteThanks bb. I agree, I was just feeling sorry for myself. So "irritated" is a better word for it? I totally see that. I hope as a friend you feel safe talking to me about it and please tell me if there's anything that I can do...
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